On the brink of that mind-blowing ‘O’ only to…back off? Walk away. Just let it do a Houdini on you?
Ngl, that sounds a lot like everything we try to avoid when we’re getting busy but, as it turns out, there’s a method to this madness and a huge horny case for postponing your orgasm in the name of, well, a bigger, better orgasm. Now that we can absolutely get on board with.
Let’s stop skirting around the subject. Eyes on the blackboard everyone, let’s learn how to live on the edge…
So, What The F Is Edging?
Edging, also called surfing, peaking and teasing, is an orgasm control technique used to increase stamina, intensify orgasms and explore power exchanges in the bedroom. It involves a little thing called delayed gratification. In other words, you get to the point of near-climax, before temporarily stopping stimulation or easing up the intensity and leaving your would-be orgasm on ice for a bit to chill.
For those of you thinking why on earth would you volunteer to social distance from your own orgasm – good question and we stand with you in your bewilderment.
The idea is that by building up to your big pulsating moment, easing off then coming back to it when you’re really ready to blow, you’re going to unlock even more pleasure potential. Like discovering an advent calendar door you somehow missed before.
Though it’s most commonly practiced by people with penises, vulva-owners are more than welcome to get in on the action too. Phew.
How To Get Your Edge On
There are several ways to get to grips with this magic move and not all of them rely on the start/stop method. Everyone enjoys different things but the best way to try edging on for size is during – drum roll please – masturbation. Our specialist subject.
Without sounding like the grand ol’ Duke of Hastings, touch yourself for a few minutes and then when you feel like you might cum, distract yourself any way you know how, emails, memes, watering your plants, this is prime time for tackling some of those annoying bitty things on your to-do list. Take five, leave yourself wanting more then, when you’ve let the sexual energy simmer down to a gentle rolling boil, come back to the deed and turn up the heat. The more you play with the build-up, the more powerful the orgasm. However, if you’re someone who finds it hard to reach orgasm or you can easily lose your ‘O’ mid-session, then edging might not be for you.
Edging can take some getting used to but if you’re willing to put in the practice, you’ll be an old hand at it in no time. Schedule in some self-pleasure and discover what formula makes you tick.
@Me: responds to family wedding RSVP with: Sorry, can’t come I have orgasm training that day. That’s one way to swerve all the, ‘so when are you going to settle down then’ trash wedding small talk. No questions asked. Genius.
Once you’ve mastered the art of solo edging, you can introduce it as hot couples’ play, experimenting with each other’s orgasm control and exploring the sensation of staying on the edge of glory. This is the perfect time to utilise Monica Geller’s arousal scale. Get your SEVENs at the ready people, communication is everything.
For those with penises, it’s a great way to make you last longer and boost your libido, whilst vulva-owners can enjoy a premium warm up for the main event. Kinky. You know what they say, couples who train together, stay together.
Techniques To Try
The Start/Stop method
This does exactly what it says on the tin. You simply stop stimulating / stroking the vulva or penis when you feel close to orgasm and start up again after a few seconds of downtime.
The Squeeze Method
For those with penises, build up to the point of near-orgasm then stop and squeeze the head of the penis for 30 seconds. It may be a tad niche but it does the job. We don’t make the rules.
Happy freaking birthday. This is basically edging with some pelvic floor exercises thrown in. How productive. It’s called ballooning because, for those with a penis, they will find their erection deflating and ballooning throughout the process. It’s meant to be pretty good for premature ejaculation, so if that’s you, give it a go.
While edging and toys are pretty incompatible thanks to their ability to get us to the point of no return at lightning speed, you can always indulge in a bit of gentle toy play on a low rumbly setting. Just as long as you’re willing to exercise some self-control and turn them off / launch them over the other side of the room when things get a little too pumped down there.
Alternatively, rather than going hell for leather with the clitoral stimulation, you can explore tapping and pressing your clitoris instead, or sticking to penetrative stimulation if you usually rely on clit stim to get you there. Caressing your breasts, performing oral on your partner or anal play can also keep you aroused without any danger of careening off into orgasm.
While there’s nothing wrong with a quickie, edging is a great way to savour our sexual energy and take the pressure off reaching the great pinnacle every single time. With orgasms temporarily off the table, we can focus on the smorgasbord of pleasure and playfulness right in front of us. Good things come to those who wait, guys.
On the flipside, it can also help people, especially those with vulvas, to reach orgasm more easily by focusing on pleasure-oriented sex rather than end-game sex. Bye-bye shame, bye-bye unfulfilling sexual experiences, bye-bye fake orgasms. Hello empowerment.
And that is your edging module done. Until next time class of 2021, you are dismissed!