Well, would you look at August rolling around quicker than a smear test. How did that happen, then? It’s the last official month of summer and ‘make the most of it’ we will because our hot girl summer has been a pretty lukewarm non-event, so far.
With talk of a heatwave (better late than never) and Pride season upon us, August promises bags of bank holiday fun, open-air cinemas, festivals, camping plans, rooftop bars and BBQs on the beach with a tote full of cheap 3 for 2 tinnies and good vibes.
Merry August, everyone here’s how to have it large!
1 | Book a holiday to the Balearic Islands just to hurl yourself into the sun and lay down in a different setting for a casual grand. It’s hot/poor girl summer somewhere.
2 | Hit up a lavender field and admire how well it seems to tolerate people. A gracious bloom we can all learn a thing or two from.
3 | Get strangely preachy about SPF. If you go lower than 50 on the face, we’re grabbing you for a chat around the fire pit.
4 | Make yourself a frosé. It’s adult slushie season and we’re here for it.
5 | Have a very pleasant sex dream about Jack Grealish…
6 | And Gareth Southgate. Didn’t see that one coming but enjoyed it nonetheless. It’s the cuddles for me. Much composure. Much calm.
7 | Compare the weather to this time last year. Repeat, every time it rains like the broken British human record that you are.
8 | Get behind Team GB squad – for the first time in its 125-year history, the team will be taking more female than male athletes to the Olympic Games, with 201 females and 175 males. 2021 is the year of the female Olympian! Get. In. There.
9 | Make all the outdoor Bank Holiday plans…
10 | Knowing full well it will rain down on you like a Jennifer Lopez music video, minus the sexy chair dance ofc.
11 | Overplay Taylor Swift – August. Might even make a depressing reel to mark the occasion.
12 | Turn down any invites that don’t involve air con. Not happening.
13 | Lock yourself out of your online banking, your Instagram and your Look Fantastic account because your password is weak but your memory is w-e-a-k-e-r.
14 | Get Great British Bake Off flutters. To hell with too soon.
15 | Write to your local MP to get Jack Grealish on Bake Off. When should we stop with the Grealish thirst?
16 | Test positive for needing a f*cking break. Swerving those red flags is a full-time job.
17 | Wish you were financially stable enough to support who you really are. Just wanna thrive.
18 | See that it’s mildly warm out and immediately spend £200 on lunch, a new foundation and some self-gifted flowers
19 | Watch Five Feet Apart (a Romance starring Cole Sprouse and Haley Lu Richardson about a pair of teenagers with cystic fibrosis falling in love while having to remain a distance apart) and Kissing Booth 3 (no introduction needed). Praise be for the new drops, Netflix.
20 | Embark on the journey that is… watching Sex Life on Netflix. NSFW. [Read All the Thoughts & Twitchy Feelings We Had Whilst Watching Here!]