The Fertility Series: 4 Women Share Their IVF Stories

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a cycle of fertility treatment that involves collecting an egg from the ovaries and fertilising it with the sperm in a specialised lab. The fertilised egg, called the embryo, is then returned to the woman’s womb to develop. The treatment is suitable for people who have been unable to conceive naturally or if you want to get pregnant as a solo parent.

IVF is usually carried out when the sperm quality is considered ‘normal’. If there are issues with the sperm quality or motility, a procedure called intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) may be used instead. This is where a single sperm is injected into the egg.

Whether you’re just beginning your IVF journey, feeling overwhelmed by the medical terminology or looking to read something from someone who’s actually gone through it, we hope these real-life stories will make you feel less alone and help you prepare for the road ahead.

TW: Baby loss, miscarriage, fertility based mental health problems.

Sarah, @Wearetwinset

How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?

We were trying for about a year and a half when we thought something might be up. We booked to see a fertility specialist, who made us have some tests, confirming that there were issues on both sides and that we would likely need assistance to get pregnant. We were then given various options for the next steps.

How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?

Can you explain what your IVF journey looked like?

Our IVF journey was quite a long one and it took 4.5 years in total for us to have our little miracle boy, Lenny. It was by no means quick or easy and I think that’s what you have to be prepared for, it really can take time. This was not something I had taken into consideration pre-IVF. There are so many different factors that need to work together and it’s not one size fits all. Often, we didn’t have answers for why one particular process didn’t work or get the results we’d hoped for & then we would try something different, perhaps with slightly different medication and protocol. It can be draining, frustrating & heartbreaking throughout but hopefully, in the end, it can also be magical.

In terms of the process, I’m going to try and share as much as possible in and the simplest way possible & hopefully in the correct way too – there are quite a few steps to IVF. The first step is the hormone injections (I did them in my tummy), my husband Craig injected one (sometimes two a day) to stimulate my ovaries to increase the number of eggs my body makes typically for 10-12 days. I found this process quite difficult, making sure we were in together at the same time every night and it was sore injecting the same area daily. But before, during and after my injections I found it so helpful to listen to calming music and think positive thoughts. Every injection was one step closer to my baby (I used to repeat this over and over in my head!) I also felt quite bloated from the drugs but again I always tried to think of the bigger picture and the final result, a healthy baby.

The next stage is the sedation to have the eggs removed, I also found this quite scary as I had never had an anaesthetic before. But again, it was one cog in my bigger journey and I just tried to take each step at a time and get through that hurdle. For each of my three rounds of IVF I had 12-15 eggs removed. As I was under it felt quick & I had no real pain after, I was just a little groggy waking up from the anaesthetic.

The 12-15 eggs are then mixed with the sperm (for us we had IVF ICSI which means the sperm are actually injected into the eggs) and you have to wait to see how they fertilise over the next few days. In each of our three rounds of IVF we had 3 embryos fertilise each time but this can obviously can be more or less for each case.

The next step once the embryo/s have developed in the lab, is an embryo transfer back into your uterus, either in the same cycle as your egg collection or in a fresh cycle in the next month/s. If it is the next cylcle/s the embryos are then frozen (this is what we did each time.) For me, one of my issues was the lining of my womb, so sometimes it took a while for the lining to look right for us to put an embryo back in. This was of course difficult as I would build myself up towards for the embryo transfer and then it might not happen. It was a constant daily exercise to talk myself into being positive as much as I could. But again, I just kept thinking I would rather everything look as good as it can be to increase my chances of success.

What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace?

I think the emotional side of things is just huge, not only are you putting your body through a lot (so you don’t feel yourself) – injections, drugs, egg collection, weekly scans – your emotions are all over the place. I found that sometimes I could put on a ‘brave face’ and get on with things and other times I just couldn’t. I really tried to accept those bad days when they came in and knew that tomorrow would be a new day. The hardest part for me was the waiting, for results or my body’s responses to medication which I found so agonising. I often didn’t feel like myself throughout the process, keeping things a ‘secret’ felt strange, coping with the losses & the highs & the lows but still having to get on with normal day to day life as it wasn’t something I openly spoke about to many. Getting up and going to work somedays just felt like the biggest struggle. I also stopped going to people’s baby showers and kids’ parties as it always made me feel so awful afterwards.

Did you join any support groups on social media?

Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that network of support?

I was quite open with my family but only when I felt comfortable, which worked best for me. There were periods where there was just nothing to say and it felt like bad news after bad news and that’s when I found it hard to talk about. But I have an amazing support network of family and a few friends who often didn’t need to say anything but were there when I needed to talk or just be. On the day of one of my embryo transfers (it was a Wednesday), my girlfriends sent me a bunch of flowers simply saying ‘happy hump day’ to make me smile. They massively helped me stay strong throughout and to take my mind off things. They booked in lunches and pedicures so I would have things to look forward to which would always shift my mindset.

Was there anything else you tried alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?

Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?

The most positive part of the IVF experience?

For me, it was getting my dog Maggie. Rachael my reflexologist suggested we get a dog to help us through the hard times, to take our mind off everything. Maggie was one of the best things to ever happen to us and she truly made everything better. It was something else to focus on and care for and she honestly changed us for the better.

One thing you wish you’d known…

Stephanie, 29

How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?

We had been trying for 2 years.

How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?

Can you explain what your IVF journey looked/looks like?

So for us, it started with our first NHS cycle in July 2017 (our NHS trust gives you one go on the NHS), we went into this feeling really clued up having done our reading and attended the hospital’s open night and personally we felt really hopeful and positive, I did long protocol which involves a month of going into menopause using daily injections and then around 2 weeks of ovarian stimulating injections. After this period I then went into hospital to have an egg collection procedure and then they mixed my eggs with my husband’s sperm. We, unfortunately, didn’t get any embryos at all in this cycle and we quickly learnt that I had issues with my Egg Quality and Quantity.

This for me was where the mental impacts of IVF really hit home, I very quickly started having horrible night terrors (mostly about the procedures I’d had and from nowhere started with horrendous anxiety and depression. We decided that in the best interests of me and my husband we would take a year off. I sought counselling through my GP as I was diagnosed with PTSD and Anxiety and Depression.

In February 2019 I went back to the hospital as we were planning on trying again with Cycle 3 later on that year, with the issue of my egg quality the doctor advised me to have an AMH blood test which gives a full picture about my ovarian reserve, a few weeks later I got the news that it was low and we shouldn’t delay trying again as my chances of success had now dropped to 10%. So we did cycle 3 in June 2019, this was exactly the same as cycle 2, however this time I was on maximum doses of the stimulating injections. This time around we got the same result, however, we ended up only having a day 3 embryo rather than a day 5 embryo (the chances of success are greater with a day 5).

What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace?

I, fortunately, found with my place at work that they’d already started to make positive changes concerning IVF, we got 5 days leave to use during the cycles and my manager was great whilst I was having the injections with all the side effects that come with it. The hardest thing about work is the fake smile you’ve got to plaster on every day with the people that don’t know and the “Are you okay?” questions whilst you’re desperately hanging on.

Did you join any support groups on social media?

We joined the support group on Facebook for the clinic we were at, this was a useful tool for us and I would highly recommend anyone going through it to join one. Even on those days I felt like I was going mad, it was great to chat to other people going through the same thing as us.

Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that network of support?

We were open with our immediate family from day one of going to the clinic for the first time, we honestly couldn’t have dragged ourselves through those dark days.

Was there anything else you tried alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?

Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?

Now looking back, I would say make sure you ask all of the questions and don’t stop asking. There was sometimes I wish looking back I’d of asked more times. Also, don’t be afraid of asking for a second opinion, we didn’t until cycle 2 and I wish we’d of asked sooner.

The most positive part of the IVF experience?

How much closer it brought me and my husband together I think I learnt things about him whilst we were going through it that I would have never have done had we not had to.

One thing you wish you’d known…

Francessca, 39

How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?

We started ‘not-trying’ soon after we got married. What do I mean by not-trying? Well, you know, we started, like most couples, thinking that we wouldn’t use any contraception and that we would get pregnant basically the first time we had sex. 

How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?

We saw our GP and had some tests undertaken. We were told that there was “nothing obvious wrong”, according to the GP, and were referred to our local IVF clinic. We had our first two rounds of IVF treatment (neither were successful!) here and this is where our journey began. 

Can you explain what your IVF journey looked like?

We consulted our G.P. We had some tests run and nothing was apparently wrong – “unexplained infertility” was the term used by the GP. 

We went to our local IVF clinic and they walked us through the process of IVF. We were lucky because, at that time, our local NHS area were offering three free rounds of IVF. We had two rounds of IVF at this clinic and it wasn’t working. With a third free round on the table, I began to question whether I had confidence in the dr at the fertility clinic (he had told me that it would take “7-8 goes” at IVF before it was likely that I would fall pregnant). I was not fond of the doctor and really had no faith or confidence in the protocols that they were adopting, so I started looking for other options. I just felt that pumping myself full of drugs without knowing the cause for our infertility wasn’t logical. 

Around the same time, a colleague from work (one who I had confided in) gave me a book written by Zita West. After I devoured the book in less than two commutes to work on the train, I consulted the Zita West clinic and sought their views on what might be going wrong. 

The Zita West clinic’s focus is very much on the whole person; the body, mind and soul and that really appealed to me. After speaking with Dr George Ndukwe (all his patients call him the miracle man) we paid to have some additional tests run and he was of the view that I had overactive natural killer (NK) cells. These NK cells are the cells that your body uses to fight the common cold or infection. Mine were just a tad hyper and were also attacking our embryos (I was falling pregnant but just not being able to sustain a pregnancy). My tests came back that I had very high levels of NK cells and Dr George was of the view that I needed a different protocol (course of drugs) to try and help me fall pregnant, whilst going through IVF. Basically, he suppressed my immune system to ensure that the NK cells were less active whilst I was undergoing treatment. 

What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace? 

How long have you got?! The mental and physical side effects of IVF really can’t be understood unless you have been through it. It is exhausting. To be hoping and wishing for a baby month after month and it not work, is utterly draining. To see your friends fall pregnant ‘by accident’ or ‘without trying’ really is soul-destroying. Are you pleased for them? Sure. But do you also feel like you’ve been punched in the stomach every time someone announces that they are pregnant again, YES. Coupled with the effect that the drugs can have (they don’t always – but most women have some side-effects). Not to mention the financial worries, can we afford this treatment? Should we pay the mortgage? Or risk becoming homeless to fund another round of IVF? The effects really are extensive. 

When we first started trying and it wasn’t working I felt like a complete failure. A failure as a wife. A failure as a daughter (not being able to give my mum grandchildren). A failure as a woman. If other women could do it, why couldn’t I? I didn’t smoke or drink to excess, what was wrong with me? When we had our first failed IVF cycles, I didn’t discuss it with anyone. I think I had only told my husband and my mum and my brothers. I think it is fair to say that I am your classic, controlling, over-achiever lawyer; ‘I don’t do failure’. Yet, I had no control over this and this left me floundering and uncertain about what to do next. 

During my second failed cycle of IVF, I remember that I had been promoted at work. I was working really long hours, routinely leaving the office at 10pm to try and improve a team that had not been performing well (sneaking off to the toilets to inject my IVF drugs without anyone knowing). The cycle failed. I was worn out and devastated and to top it off I had to take time off from work to miscarry ‘naturally’ as I was worried about having a procedure performed that would remove the ‘non-viable embryo’, as it was referred to by the doctor who looked for a heartbeat. I will never forget the way he couldn’t look at me when he didn’t find the heartbeat. Like it was just a yes/ no situation. But to me, it was my hopes and dreams for a baby and a family with my husband. Non-viable. Pretty much how that Dr. at our local clinic made me feel that day. 

So with this in mind, we mustered up the courage to start a round of IVF at the Zita West clinic and I really can’t describe how different it was. I was supported and encouraged to talk to others. I don’t know if it was the new-found optimism that caused me to open up to friends, family and colleagues, or because the cat was out of the bag because I had been forced to email my colleagues and explain why I had not been in the office leading the team. (I didn’t include in my email that my male boss hadn’t contacted me once during the time that I had been absent owing to my miscarriage to see how I was, or to enquire about what support that he/the organisation might be able to offer me!) But hey ho! We pick up and press on. I returned to work with vigour and I was now open about what I was going through. I told HR. I started talking to colleagues about it and you know what, others started talking to me about the issues that they were having. It was like I had opened a can of worms at work. So many of my female colleagues (also thirty-somethings) were having issues. I was also really surprised, I don’t know why looking back, but a few of my male colleagues also came to talk to me too about what they could do to help their wives going through the same thing. 

So to summarise the effects are huge. But ask me if it is worth it? Yes. Without doubt. Because like any warrior who wants something badly enough, you just keep picking yourself up and pushing on. 

Did you join any support groups on social media? 

Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that support?

At first I didn’t. But in the end, because it had been going on so long for us and so many people who didn’t know we had been going through IVF kept asking me “so, when are you having a baby?” that the easier answer was to reply “actually we have been trying for sometime and it’s not been working”. Aside from the slightly smug feeling that I would get putting people in their place, I came to realise that people mean well. They really do. But saying that, I have experienced all sorts of things being said to me, by ‘well-meaning individuals’ – such as ‘you will have 8 babies going through IVF’ , ‘God doesn’t approve of IVF’ and my favourite ‘do you think you should take it as a sign that you might not be right to have children?’ Needless to say, that you develop a thick skin quite quickly when you are on this journey…. 

Was there any other lifestyle you made alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?

Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?

Question, question, question the advice that you are receiving. A good doctor will take the time to explain things to you. If you are just a number, they won’t. You will quickly start to see the difference. 

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If something does not feel right, it probably isn’t – even if you don’t know the reason for it and/or it doesn’t seem logical at the time. For example, my husband had kittens at the thought of walking away from a free round at our local IVF clinic only to pay for it somewhere else. But I just knew that that’s what felt right and I was proved right. Against all logic, I followed my instincts, we changed clinics and we got pregnant. 

The most positive part of the IVF experience? 

Without a doubt my two boys. 

But second to this would be that I have started a new company: The Fertility Retreat. We are offering support to women/couples on their fertility journeys. We have consolidated the lessons that we learned along the way and are hopefully removing some of the mistakes that we made to prevent others from making the same mistakes. Combining this with some fabulous nutrition, yoga, expertise and fun along the way.

One thing you wish you’d known…

Can I have more than one thing?! 

Um, that nutrition and what you put into your body has a HUGE impact on your chances/outcome during fertility. Change your diet, change your chances. I really believe this. Your diet and what you do, and sometimes don’t, eat – have an impact on your results. 

And my second thing is – it is okay to feel how you are feeling right now. Breathe. Feel it. Acknowledge it and then cast it aside and focus on what you want. Because wallowing in self-pity gets you nowhere. Yes it can be painful, yes it can be hard, but tighten your bootstraps, slap on some lipstick and put your best foot forward – because only YOU can change the things you want to change to get what you want. 

Tara, 29

How long had you been trying to conceive naturally before you began fertility treatment?

I came off the pill in 2015, we weren’t actively trying but if it happened we would have been happy. After we got married in 2016 we started actively trying for a total of two years before starting our first round of IVF.

How did you know you needed IVF treatment? Can you tell us a bit about the initial consultation and other fertility treatment you tried before starting IVF?

I found not falling pregnant a very stressful time the disappointment of getting my period each month was overwhelming and it starting taking over my life trying to work out dates, taking ovulation test and searching for pregnancy symptoms so I was actually relieved when we started the IVF process as it took them pressures away and I knew it was the right thing for us.

To start the IVF referral process we went to see our GP I think this is always the best place to start, our GP ran all the basic tests on both my husband and me to see if there were any obvious issues to why we weren’t conceiving naturally.

Can you explain what your IVF journey looked/looks like?

My IVF protocol went; go on the pill so the clinic knew exactly where I was in my cycle, I then started an injection called Buserelin which is a hormone which stops your body naturally ovulating, I then started another injection called ovaleap which stimulates your ovaries to create follicles which contain eggs. I was having scans and blood tests every 3 days to check the progress of my follicles. The scans you have are done internally, they aren’t painful but can be a little uncomfortable the more follicles you have. once they were happy with the amount and size of the follicles I used an injection called ovitrelle this is known as ‘the trigger’ and exactly 48 hours later I had my eggs collected this is done whilst you are sedated. I then had to start taking progesterone pessaries, to anyone starting their journey please don’t be surprised if they tell you to put these up the ‘back passage’ initially. This can then be changed to using them as normal but I have to say they are very messy and once I get a positive pregnancy test I had to use them until I was 12 weeks.

I had 5 days from egg collection to embryo transfer, I had 12 eggs collected and 3 of them survived and turned into high-grade embryos one of these was implanted back in me and the other two were frozen for future cycles. This is a very stressful time as you’re waiting to hear from the embryologist every other day to let you know if and how your embryos are progressing. The embryo was transferred back into me, this is done when your awake and you see the process on ultrasound. After this, I waited 9 days before taking a pregnancy test which was positive. I think I felt as prepared as I could I read IVF books, cut out caffeine and alcohol and started acupuncture.

What are the mental & physical side effects of IVF that aren’t often talked openly about, especially due to the lack of fertility awareness in the workplace?

Did you join any support groups on social media?

I followed a lot of ladies accounts on Instagram who document their IVF journey, there is a huge fertility support network on social media. People from all over the world and all with different stories really make you feel like your part of a community.

Did you talk openly about your IVF with your family? How important was it that you had that network of support?

Was there anything else you tried alongside your treatment to help manage your mindset and prepare you for IVF?

I personally did acupuncture, I would recommend this to anyone going through fertility treatment. I choose a clinic that specialised in fertility acupuncture, not only is it a great way to relax and switch off through what is a very stressful time you get great advice on your diet and guidance on what you can do to encourage a positive result. I also used IVF mindfulness apps that helped to switch off and keep my mind in a positive place. I know my clinic offered me counselling so that option is available to you if you should need it.

Do you have any advice for those who are still going through their fertility journey, IVF and otherwise?

The most positive part of the IVF experience?

One thing you wish you’d known…

Honestly, I really wish I had known that on the day of embryo transfer you have to have a full bladder and I’m not talking about slightly needing a wee I’m talking about full to the point if you drank another sip you would burst! To then add to the enjoyment of your bladder being that full they use an ultrasound to watch the embryo be implanted so they push down on your stomach. I can confirm as soon as the embryo is in your allowed to use the toilet though which is a great relief.