Come sisters, we fly! Twenty nine years on, Hocus Pocus 2 has entered the chat and the Black Flame Candle is flickering once again, unleashing a new kind of chaos and terror on Salem.
In case you’re unfamiliar with the bona fide Halloween classic and the soul-sucking witches that defined the 90s + 00s (and our entire childhood), the first Hocus Pocus film follows the infamous Sanderson Sisters – three menacing hags who suck the life out of children to stay eternally young.
When curious youngster Max dismisses the story of the Sanderson sisters as ‘just a bunch of hocus pocus’ – high five to the writers for getting the title of the film into the scrip – he lights the Black Flame Candle and accidentally resurrects Winifred (Bette Midler) the buck-toothed, mop-riding, firefly from hell, Sarah (Sarah Jessica Parker) and Mary (Kathy Najimy).
With the help of a talking cat named Thackery Binx, Max, his sister Dani and their friend Allison, must steal the witches’ book of spells to stop them from sucking up the youth of Salem and becoming immortal.
Naturally, we’re wondering if the reboot will live up to the magic of the OG fan favourite but the proof’s in the toffee apple, witches…
Will Thackery Binx the sarcastic boy-turned-cat return to our screens? Will the musical numbers slap like I Put A Spell On You? And will SJP still have an appetite for spiders?
Here’s all the thoughts and feelings we had whilst watching the movie of the moment: Hocus Pocus 2.
Ok, the opening is strong and mini Winnie is a mood.
Rightly or wrongly, Billy Butercherson has our attention.
The Reverend is giving Snape.
This mass hysteria over a spider is like looking at my family in Salem cosplay.
Forming a calming circle as we speak to cope with the hell that was: the 3-week long retrograde.
Literally, never trust a crow in Disney.
Especially one with red dip dye wings.
*Looks up property prices in Salem*
And the population of spiders…
Waiting for the Samuel Skelton High School X Do Revenge spin-off.
A little commotion for Gilbert the Great’s OOTN!
Thackeray Binx?! Is that you?!
How dare they get a new cat (despite it making absolutely zero sense for cat boy Binx to make a comeback in HP2).
I would not be lighting that candle for love nor money. NOPE. The shape. The girth. It’s ominous.
The Come Little Children bop is back.
Personal highlight: The Sanderson witches running amok amok amok around Walgreens.
Winnie eating her face mask – we’ve all been there.
Glad to see they have the same leggy, ah-ah-ah walk. IYKYK.
So far, it’s way more cosy than the OG but that’s ok (if you’re 5).
It’s a bit short of row, row, row ya boat lads dangling in a cage, ya know?
I know it’s meant to be present-day Salem but kinda preferred it when they didn’t FaceTime or fly on Roombas-cum-broombas.
Gonna need Billy to drop his dry shampoo routine…
Wait, this song belongs to Cruella (an actual villain).
Mini Winnie is carrying this movie. We said what we said.
It feels like a spoof. Makes me SICK *Winnie voice*
And I know it’s not feminist to say it but WE MISS MAX.
100% here for the strong female leads though.
Mmm witch’s butter, wonder how much that will set you back in 2022.
PSA ‘Hello you withering hag’ will be my new WhatsApp greeting.
Forgive us but the adult laughs are as dry as Billy’s mouth.
Ok, joke’s over where are Max, Dani and Alison?
Sarah standing up to Winnie. We love to see it!
Yassss for Cassidy’s coven.
And shared SISTERHOOD.
The plot may be 6ft under but we’re still here sobbing all over ourselves.
Whose eye even is that? It’s weirdly pretty.
Get Winnie back to her unholy mischief mates already.
Low-key tearing up because Winnie is nothing without her sisters. Nothing.
When book cries, we cry with it.
They’re not gone, gone. Are they?
There’s gotta be a Broadway musical on the way at the very least…
Why else would they attempt to replicate the greatness that was the I Put A Spell on You, Madonna cone boobs ball from HP1. Iconic.
It’s a 5/10 but you know what, it still put a spell on our tear ducts.
Not ready for this ending and the redemption arc. Winnie does have a heart!
Mmm the inference is this: we need a Mother Witch prequel.
And they better not make us wait another 30 years for it.
Listen, HP2 is a cute sugary follow up but the Sanderson Sisters deserved more.
The reboot didn’t hold a Black Flame Candle to the OG but all that being said, it was a sparkly PG jaunt through Salem nonetheless and seeing the comedic trio back together again was worth the wait…