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TEAM ZOELLA JUNE 30, 2022

Category Is: Horror! 50 Flatmate Stories That’ll Make You Want to Live Alone Forever 

From horrendous hygiene to twisted toilet habits, here’s some DISGUSTIN’ anecdotes that’ll make you thankful for that housemate doing a naked lunge in the lounge.

If luck’s on your side, living with strangers turns out to be the best serendipitous experience ever. You’re thrown together and as fate would have it, you’re inseparable, these are your people. You are the chosen ones, living your best Everything I Know About Love lives. 

But for the poor unfortunate souls cooped up with the flatmate who will no doubt be the subject of a viral docu-series in years to come, home isn’t always sweet

Whether you’ve lived in halls and survived to tell the tale, shared a house or you’re *still* trying to lose the gaming addict housemate who ordered adult nappies to the gaff so he didn’t have to use the toilet… chances are you’ll be able to relate to a few of these hardcore horror stories. 

From horrendous hygiene to twisted toilet habits, here’s some DISGUSTIN’ anecdotes that’ll make you thankful for that housemate doing a naked lunge in the lounge. You might want to give Spare Room a wide berth after reading this lot. In a bit, roomie! 

1.     I had one who would steal people’s dishes if they hadn’t washed theirs up within the hour. He’d wash them up, then hide them under his bed in his room. We just noticed things disappearing slowly. SO WEIRD. I almost invoiced him for my stolen plates.

2.     Mine was so drunk he forgot to turn off the tap and caused a flood at the neighbours.

3.     Found litres of piss in bottles in their room – the bathroom was right next to their room.

Refused to buy hand soap and toilet roll because she ‘didn’t use it’ a week later she got pink eye.

5.     Flatmate going through the packaging in a bin to snoop on the beauty products I bought. Then copying all the food and beauty products I used!

6.     We had a lodger who hid a snake in her room.

7.     One had sex in the kitchen with people in the house.

8.     She decided she was doing a season in Ibiza so sublet her room on Airbnb for £25 a night. Broke the news to us by saying we have a 40yo man from Sri Lanka coming to stay with us…

9.     I had one who became BFFs with my bf’s ex which was fun… she would always come over and hang out in the room next to my bedroom. So odd!

10.  Stalked a professional footballer and terminated our apartment when we asked her to stop.

11.  Came home one night to find the whole flat ankle-deep in glitter…

12.  Lived with all boys, shower got blocked from too much jizz (which isn’t’ water-soluble).

13.  My uni flatmate threw her spaghetti at the wall to see if it was cooked. Unnecessary. 

14.  ALWAYS flossed teeth in the living room. Bits pinged everywhere!

15.  My ex housemate got so drunk she shat herself on MY SOFA and went to bed without cleaning.

16.  Set the corridor on fire at uni in the middle of the night. Woke up to ‘fire’! Got put out quickly though.

17.  A girl I used to live with flushed leftover food down the loo.

Someone made a hole in their milk and put a combination lock through it. 

19.  The guy that refused to use bedding as it was more ‘hygenic’ (his words) to sleep directly on the mattress, which you could smell from the outside of his room with the door closed…

20.  The girl who told us she could smell carbon monoxide leaking in our kitchen. She kept calling out the engineers who obviously couldn’t find any and left it to us to pay for it / deal with it. 

21.  The girl who stored rubbish behind all her furniture. We didn’t find it until after she’d moved out and the letting agent had to investigate her room.

22.  A guy went on an absolute bender and broke all of our kitchen chairs alone in the middle of the night, woke up in the middle of all the smashed wood with no memory of it.

Caught my old flatmate cooking hotdogs by boiling them in the shared kettle. I had a ‘bedroom kettle’ after that.

24.  Put laundry in the washer/dryer for 9 hours when they work from home and I don’t.

25.  We lived with this girl who had a wild bender with two blokes. The following morning, I was in the kitchen making myself a cup of tea when out pops this bloke from my friend’s room (she was away at the time). He waltzed into the kitchen and even asked for a coffee. I was like, erm hello who are you and why are you in my friend’s room? He continued to tell me how he’d shagged the girl all over the place. She had her own filthy room so obviously chose to pretend G’s room was hers! I had to break it to G but the girl denied it. From that day forward the battle was on to get her out. I also caught her out in London wearing my jeans!

26.  Uni flatmate hoarded old takeaways in bin bags in his room. THE SMELL.

27.  My flatmate screamed in her sleep and told our landlord someone kidnapped her. I was terrified, she had the Samara vibe with her hair and would stand in the hallway. She also slept with her coat on. I didn’t even ask…

28.  Uni flatmate never washed his baking tray. Just dipped it in water to rinse off. He cooked pizza and chicken nuggets on that tray pretty much every night for a year.

29.  They blocked the loo so pooped in a bag. I left the house share after that.

30.  Came home to find my two flatmates in the heat of a bowel movement. One was squatting over the glass oven door shitting. The other one was underneath watching…

Walked in on him with a girl in my living room. He texted me to join them. I didn’t respond. He moved out the next day without saying anything.

32.  She kept accusing me of eating her Super Noodles even though I wasn’t. When I was out with friends, she would text me saying ‘stop eating my Super Noodles’. Even if I was, it was like 50p a pack. Come on!

33.  We lived with a French/English duo (couple) in a two-bed flat in London for a year. Started out okay, but it was clear within the first fortnight it was going to be awful. Regularly left washing in the machine then hung out days later just thrown on the clothes aired in a heap – proceeded to complain nothing ever dried in the flat. Up at 5am running through the hall before slamming the door to go to CrossFit. We went away for a few days, came home to every plate/bowl/cutlery dirty on the bench. Put a carpet cutting in the washing machine and clogged it. I had to buy a new one as it was not repairable. Never cleaned at all and stole all the teaspoons and left them at work/on the train or whatever. 

34.  The time I came back from a trip and found stains on my actual mattress and pillow case after stripping my bedding because I knew she was letting people sleep in my room and lying about it- in the summer of 2020 pandemic madness no less.

35.  That time she denied me of a desk when I had to work from home during the pandemic because it didn’t go with her living room aesthetic.

36.  I went to pick up a prescription for my old housemate who had been in hospital despite being unwell myself, only to come back and find her getting ready to go to a house party, during lockdown. The audacity. 

37.  I lived with a guy who had a different woman round every night. And a girlfriend…

38.  Housemate bought her dog round while on its period. Leaked all over the house and she didn’t care.

39.  I lived with someone addicted to cereal. At one point they had 32 boxes. Took up the whole kitchen!

40.  Moved in with two uni mates who turned out to be a secret couple and ket addicts. House was like a squat. I tried to confront them about cleaning and he started fingering her until I left. They also dropped a bottle of voddy on the floor and licked it off so it didn’t go to waste. 

Night one of freshers, treated myself to a one night stand. Turned out to be my new uni flatmate.

42.  He once came home at 3am with his boss who wanted to order coke and prostitutes to our house.

43.  He stripped and settled down to sleep on the doorstep after he lost his key on a night out.

44.  Mid-revision everyone was stressed, my flatmate blocked the loo and it started flooding shitty water. She walked out the house and didn’t tell us anything. We only realised when we needed a wee. We spent hours clearing up her literal shit. Turns out she didn’t like “talking about poo.”

45.  My flatmate urinated in her flatmate’s shampoo because she flirted with her bf.

46.  Left pulled pork in his slow cooker for MONTHS. Mould was growing out from under the lid. I’m incredibly stubborn and forbade my boyfriend from cleaning it, it wasn’t ours to clean. We insisted they clean it and still nothing. Eventually, the landlords were selling the flat and so we had some viewings – unsuitable for a rotting slow cooker, almost resembling their bedroom. The viewings prompted them to clean their room and I decided to put the slow cooker in their room as a not so subtle hint. This didn’t result in the slow cooker being cleaned, but placed at the end of the bed and covered in a Blanket and teddies like some sick end table.

47.  One of my housemate’s friends ate our goldfish.

I once had a flatmate who used to steal my clothes from the washing machine and then wear them around the house without any shame.

49.  We had a live-in landlord. She was the WORST. We left after three months. She wouldn’t let us have the heating on, so I’d sit with a coat and gloves in bed working whilst seeing my breath, and she would pretend the wifi was down for some reason but in reality she just didn’t want us to have the password. The usual passive aggressive notes would be left around the flat, accusing us of tampering with the boiler because the prices had gone up. If we left anything unwashed in the kitchen whilst we were eating, we’d get a knock on the door telling us there would be ants if we didn’t go and wash up right away. All in all, a horrible experience and I never wanted to leave my room for fear of bumping into her

50.  Context: we’re 8 people living on the 2nd and 3th floor of a big house) woke up early to go to uni, walked out of my room and the floor had blood splatters and smears all over. Got super scared but also concerned for my flatmates. Followed the blood downstairs. There were drops and bigger stains on the stairs all the way to the ground floor but there were also some leading into our shared kitchen. On the (white!) kitchen floor, there was a really big puddle of blood and more smeared blood all over. And also (plot twist) an extinguisher in the middle of all of it, which really gave me the creeps. All my flatmates were still asleep, so I woke them up to check on them and it wasn’t until we knocked on the last door that we found the bleeding one. He was deep asleep in his bed, partly also soaked in blood. Apparently he got in a drunk fight with a bike (no human involved) and injured his foot and hand.. not broken or anything just a very bloody mess.

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