After seventy years on the throne, the Queen is celebrating her platinum jubilee and who are we to skip a party? Pass the scones, dallyn. If you manage to make it through June without a two-day hangover, it’s *you* who deserves a crown. Bunting and Ju-Bellinis at the ready, here’s 20 things to do in the month of June.
1 Manifest a life when you can be severely retired.
2 Add approximately 87 events to your calendar for the four-day weekend *back on my bullshit*
3 Celebrate Her Majesty The Queen and get into the platinum jubbly spirit. Throw a Corgi party, wear blue for the occasion, rock up in a gold state coach and cut a cake with a ceremonial sword. Here’s to our Lizzy!
4 Reunite with the unhinged tequila girl (that’s you). We ride at dawn.
5 *Announce that you fancy a ciggy* Objection your honour, hearsay.
6 Return to work after the big Bank Holiday – an unprecedented milestone. Bare minimum? Don’t mind if I do.
7 Turn up late due to foreseen circumstances well within your control. Iced coffee, a thread.
8 Try to book a coastal air bnb for summer…
9 Weep when they’re all booked out till 2027. How are we meant to be coastal grandmas in these conditions? The audacity.
10 Don’t make unnecessary journeys. Don’t take risks on treacherous hangovers.
11 Tell all your friends the only thing you want from them before you die is a Miriam Margolyes cameo.
12 Place an order for the SheSpot X Zoella box. Truly the gift that keeps on giving. It’s hot satisfying summer, guys!
13 Run, don’t walk to M&S to get your picky bits when it reaches 15 degrees.
14 Lose your mind over Harry Styles’ new accent. This is his cowboy era and it’s giving Matthew McConaughey.
15 Buy your dad the same thing you get him every year: a pouch of Revels, socks and a bottle of 19 Crimes. The Father’s Day starter pack.
16 Get your first sunburn of the season. It’s a British Summertime tradition.
17 Plan a girls holiday that actually makes it past the group chat. Twelve years in the making but once you’re on that balcony with your lemon Fanta and your packet of Lay’s, it’ll be perfect, perfect, perfect.
18 Until it’s been 4 days since your last bowel movement. Holiday constipation hits different.
19 Find yourself in one of those dangerous moods where you’re either going to sign up to a silent retreat, cut your hair off or buy a house rabbit.
20 Allow yourself to enjoy nice things. That’s it, that’s the tweet.