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TEAM ZOELLA MAY 21, 2022

Snog, Marry, Avoid: Netflix Heartthrobs!

It only felt fitting- for the purpose of research, of course- to deep dive into this topic hearts first, scrolling through the depths of our Netflix watch history to present to you, Snog, Marry, Avoid- The Netflix Heartthrobs Edition...

Netflix has given us many a heartthrob over the years, from Noah Centineo in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before to Hero Fiennes in Harry Styles inspired fanfic After, we’re certainly spoilt for choice when it comes to easy on the eye stars that make deciding what to watch that little bit simpler.

Since the latest season of Bridgerton dropped in April and our attention was very firmly placed on Jonathan Bailey’s entire existence, the subject of Netflix heartthrobs has been of hot debate both on social media and in the Zoella office (ahem). It only felt fitting- for the purpose of research, of course- to deep dive into this topic hearts first, scrolling through the depths of our Netflix watch history to present to you, Snog, Marry, Avoid- The Netflix Heartthrobs Edition…

Who comes out top on your ‘marry’ list?

Charlotte says….

Snog: Joe Keery as Steve Harrington, Stranger Things

GOD this man is sexy. I love Stranger Things and have rewatched the first 3 seasons more times than I can count, only partly because of Steve Harrington’s character arc…

Steve doesn’t exactly start out as boyfriend material, all but breaking Nancy Wheeler’s heart and unapologetically smashing Jonathon Byer’s prized film camera just because, but from season 2 onwards we see him save the day time and time again, always having the back of the kids of Hawkins. Turns out his heart is as good as his ’80s hair after all, and his dry humour and flirtatious nature have me weak at the knees. Despite this and because of his not-so-nice-guy history, I’m only trusting Steve as far as a snog goes, but I do truly believe he’s a good guy at heart, and I’d love to head to Hawkins for a date with Mr Harrington.

Marry: Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker, Amazing Spider-Man

Okay, I’m putting it out there, Andrew Garfield is the best Spider-Man- I said what I said! The nature of his job might be risky by nature, but regardless I would seriously love to be swinging through NYC in the arms of this Peter Parker- swoon-worthy I tell you! His awkward yet endearing personality is incredibly loveable, and the scene in the school hallway when he tries to ask out Gwen Stacy (the icon that is Emma Stone) always has me smiling at the screen. I know Peter would always try to do right by his partner, prioritising them and doing his best to keep them safe and happy, and for that reason, I consider him the ultimate marriage material!

Avoid: Leonardo DiCaprio as Jordan Belfort, The Wolf of Wall Street

Leo was my first celeb crush (we’re talking before the days of One Direction, of course) and I can’t count the times I’ve watched InceptionTitanicBlood Diamond and The Great Gatsby because of him. Despite this, not even his dreamy looks, HUGE wallet and delicious Bronx accent are enough to persuade me to go near him with a barge pole on TWOWS. His confidence and determination for success are certainly sexy (making it easy to gloss over the fact he is an actual criminal) but above all we can’t forget that he did in fact cheat on his first wife, and then proceeded to treat Margot Robbie’s character despicably too- he sure makes it difficult to support him. The emotional scenes when his marriage is falling apart and he tries to bundle his young daughter into the car whilst drunk/high are especially hard to watch, and I’m gonna have to say VERY avoid-worthy. I think I’ll stick to Jack Dawson on the Titanic when I need my Leo fix!

Danielle says…

Snog: Pete Davidson as Scott – The King of Staten Island

Quite frankly I want to see what all the fuss is about. I’ve been a fan of Pete for ages and I definitely see the allure, he’s hilarious, laid back and tall which pretty much ticks all my boxes. But would I let him in my box? I think a snog would give me all the information I need to discover how he’s bagged both Arianna Grande and Kimmy K.

Marry: Timothee Chalamet as Elio, Call me by your name

I am not ‘down bad’ for Timothee Chalamet, I am catastrophically submerged. If you told me three years ago I’d be falling in love with an American Italian teenager discovering his homosexuality I probably wouldn’t have believed you. But Call Me By Your Name did things to me I’m still not even willing to discuss with myself. Something about the way he operates when he acts is just SO satisfying to me, and you can find a plethora of other hits on Netflix that are JUST as great for falling in love with Timmy – The King, Little Women and Don’t Look Up.

Avoid: Jason Oppenheim as himself – Selling Sunset

Spoiler Alert for season 5 coming up! Maybe I’ve chosen him because it’s quite fresh in my mind, as let’s face it there are plenty of men to avoid on Netflix right now. But Jason really pissed me off in the latest season of Selling Sunset, what is wrong with these men who can commit more fiercely to their dog than they can a woman. He wasted sweet, sweet Chrishelle’s time and he still gets off scot-free with the opinion that some young fertile woman will want to have his kid’s when he’s ready. Maybe I’m just frustrated about men’s biological clocks compared to ours, maybe Chrishelle’s nails stroking his bald head gave me the ick, either way, I’m avoiding.

Maddie says…

Snog: Ian Somerhalder as Damon Salvatore, Vampire Diaries

What is it about vampires that makes them so damn attractive?! He’s dangerous, spontaneous, funny, ridiculously sexy, protective and did i mention sexy??! It was team Damon from the start for me and despite his reckless and at times psychotic tendencies i definitely wouldn’t say no to a snog with this supernatural dish.

Marry: Jacob Elordi as Noah Flynn, The Kissing Booth

Forget his character in Euphoria for a second….Noah is the total package, he’s got the smile, the height, the motorbike, the Harvard degree. Tick Tick Tick. If we look past the slight anger management issues he worked through in his teen years he may be the perfect man.

Avoid: Chad Michael Murray, Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

This guy moves from girl to girl far too quickly for my liking. I’ll never forgive him for choosing “everybody leaves” permanently pissed off Peyton over the brilliantly sassy Brooke Davis and let’s not even talk about poor old Lindsey. It’s a hard pass from me.

Darcey says…

Snog: David Harbour as Jim Hopper, Stranger Things

I mean… I fancy this man rather a lot, not just as Jim, but as David too. I’ve opted for snog because really I think the age gap would get in the way of marriage, but whose to say I couldn’t enjoy a few nights with Jim aye? What’s not to like to be honest, he’s kind, brave and also very attractive. Tick, tick and tick!

Marry: Henry Golding as Nick Young, Crazy Rich Asians

Fancy Henry Golding in anything he does, Last Christmas is quite frankly my favourite Christmas film of all time and I’ll hear nothing else on the matter. I am obsessed with his character in Crazy Rich Asians, being such a kind and loving man, going after what he wants and THAT proposal, who wouldn’t want that?! Maybe minus all the family dramas… I think he’s got to be ultimate marriage material. Obviously too he is bloody attractive, but something about him in Crazy Rich Asians really ramps that up, maybe it’s all the suits?

Avoid: Simon Leviev as himself, The Tinder Swindler

I probably don’t have to explain this one, but if I could think of one man that I would absolutely run for the hills from it would be Simon Leviev, fraudster and compulsive liar? I’m going to have to opt-out of that one. Course this is no fictional character and all real-life, what he did to those women is genuinely disgusting and I do hope they get the proper justice they deserve one day.

Lareese says…

Snog: Paul Mescal as Connell, Normal People

There’s just something about the combination of shy insecure boy with an Irish accent and a silver chain that did it for me in every which way. And then he made his Met Gala debut with that iconic handlebar ‘tache – a weapon of mass seduction. The tuxe. The long hair. I wasn’t ready. Well played, Phoebe Bridgers, well played.

Marry: Regé-Jean Page as Simon Basset, Bridgerton

This will come as no surprise to, well, anyone really but there’s only one heart-throb for me to wed and it’s gotta be the Duke, aka The internet’s boyfriend. I don’t think I even need to elaborate on this because it’s just a fact at this point. He only had to cock a brow, mount his trusty steed or fasten a glove and my soul would leave my body; my pants would levitate before my eyes. As a Bridgerton runner-up though, can I also give Theo Sharpe from Season 2 an honourable mention, the hardworking printer’s assistant. In the absence of the much-loved Duke, I enjoyed him in his apron and flat cap A LOT.

Avoid: Lucas Bravo as Gabriel, Emily In Paris

I mean, sure the man can cook me a decent meal when it comes to snacks, I’d have to go for Alfie the cocky Londoner with the good brows instead (Lucien Laviscount). A visual feast.

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