Spring is waiting in the wings, people. The birds are a’chirping, the daffs are blooming and the skies have finally got a bit more colour in their cheeks. What a difference two long years makes.
Go forth and claim those posi vibes! Here’s 20 things to do in the month of pisstakes, pranks and soaring temps (manifesting it) and not one of them requires watching Episode 4 of Brand New Cherry Flavour. It’s a hard pass on Tadpole Smoothie thanks.
1. Spend 3-5 working days recovering from April Fool’s Day.
2. Find yourself talking like Anna Delvey. I do not have time for this. I do not have time for YOU.
3. Fall down a rabbit hole of asking yourself why Maltesers out the box are superior in taste and experience vs the bag.
4. Eat a hot cross bun out of principal. The marmite ones = God-tier. We won’t hear otherwise.
5. Realise that you can only ever be expected to be a nice person if it’s sunny.
6. Read What A Shame by Abigail Bergstrom. The debut of all time and our Zoella book club pick for April dontchaknow.
7. Feel violently ill when you don’t get time to do Wordle before work.
8. Thank past you for booking a week off before the BH weekend. You will be the envy of all your colleagues. Big whoop.
9. Begrudge past you for forgetting to book that week off. Countdown to the jubilee weekend is on.
10. Form a love/hate relationship with Heardle. The lyrical version of Wordle. You’ll see.
11. Marvel at the hold Cadbury’s have on you at this time of year. They have you in a Creme Egg chokehold.
12. Declare yourself your own Uncuh Jaahmz muse.
13. Eat your lunch outside because it’s just about warm enough to do that now. Bare arms season has arrived. What a novelty.
14. Get your first pedicure of the season…
15. See how long you can last before apologising for the state of your feet.
16. Wonder when your mum and dad decided you’d hit an age when buying you Easter eggs was no longer part of their parental requirements. Family drama ensues.
17. Realise you spent the last 5 years cultivating an Instagram following before TikTok destroyed that dream and now you have to learn how to make videos. Social media is so fun.
18. Try not to get overwhelmed at the sheer cost of breathing in 2022.
19. Fail (obviously) because the very act of existing is exorbitant.
20. Expect a visit from: The Fear. We need a hard factory reset after that Bank Holiday hangover.