Alright hun, whack that kettle on she’s gasping!
It’s not easy being the middle child, flanked between the holiday greats of Halloween and Christmas but November understood the assignment.
Here are 20 things to do this month featuring Adele, Joe Goldberg and a couple of pathetic sparklers, if you’re lucky. We hope it goes off with a bang.
1. Play Adele on repeat in a dark room with mulled wine and spend the rest of November pretending you’re going through a divorce.
2. Try to resist sticking your fresh mani out the car window to recreate Adele’s iconic meandering hand. Camera cuts to divorce papers waltzing in the November breeze.
3. Have your first mince pie of the season. Narrator: it is not a Percy Pig mince pie.
4. Let Love Quinn reaffirm exactly why you avoid your neighbours in the hallway.
5. Remind yourself that it’s Penn Badgley who’s hot. Not a sopping wet bookish Joe Goldberg.
6. Campaign to give Millennials a fallow year. Gen Z can take it from here, let us live already.
7. Fall down a Reddit rabbit hole of Squid Game theories.
8. Take 3-5 working days to recover from the No Time To Die ending…
9. And realise your sexuality is now: Ana de Armas
10. Normalise talking about how bad Excel is for your mental health. Keyboard shortcuts = violence.
11. Realise your toxic trait is sneaking out without saying goodbye when your social meter hits red.
12. Reach that point in your life when you have a favourite spoon in your cutlery drawer. Finally, an age-related milestone you can live up to.
13. Continue the October thirst trap on your feed. Listen, at £12 a pumpkin you’ve got an autumn to milk until December 1st at the very least.
14. Consider the irony of having a wholesome day out at a pumpkin patch, having 50 quids worth of gourds to your name and an iconic doorstep but absolutely no hope of going out between now and Christmas because you’re broke. Enjoy the fresh air whilst you can dallyn.
15. Wonder if you can claim eye rolls under expenses. What else are you paying an accountant for?
16. Try and fail to control your umbrella. Big Squid Game energy but also… Boris Johnson.
17. Realise 2022 is two months away. Time is but a shimmery facade.
18. Remember, remember… you don’t have to leave your house and your shaking dog for sub-par wine in a field on the 5th of November. Just stay in and sink mulled wine with your mates.
19. Feel personally victimised by your Pret subscription. It’s the angry bowels for me.
20. Hit rock bottom when you forget to cancel ^