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TEAM ZOELLA AUGUST 18, 2021

28 On-Screen Sex Scenes to Watch When Porn Fails You

Luckily for us, we’re living in what is truly the golden age of tv and film, with Netflix Originals and big screen entanglements making us question why we would ever stoop as low as Pornhub ever again.

Let’s face it, after a year-plus of staying indoors with our love lives buried under a pile of sweatpants, we’re still very much horny as hell and scouting for that NSFW viewing. Luckily for us, we’re living in what is truly the golden age of tv and film, with Netflix Originals and big screen entanglements making us question why we would ever stoop as low as Pornhub ever again.

Sure, porn can be hot but have you ever watched Sex/Life when you’re ovulating? Character development, sexual chemistry and build-up is the recipe for the kind of horn that creeps up on you unexpectedly while you’re packing a pitta bread into your gob on another woefully arid Tuesday night.

Non-heteronormative sex, awkward real-life sex, protected and consensual sex, there’s a whole new world of elite material for you to tap into.

From the fantastic to the realist, the cult to the up-and-coming, make way for the steamiest scenes on the box.

1. Normal People

Cast your minds back to that bleak 2020 dry spell when the country was in the throes of its first of many lockdowns. Marianne, Connell and Connell’s chain got us through it as they fumbled their way through first times and somehow made losing your virginity look hot, cinematic and wildly endearing. Consent and condoms = sexy as hell.

2. Orange Is The New Black

OITNB starts with a bang (literally) with that opening shower scene between Piper & Alex, and by Jove wasn’t that a sign of things to cum. Life behind bars doesn’t stop this lot from living their best life, that’s for sure. Case in point: the screw driver scene and just about any scene with Poussey.

3. Sex/Life

All roads lead to A+E when a man like Brad Simon (Adam Demos) exists. We’d gladly impale ourselves on that thing if his sex with Billie (Sarah Shahi) was anything to go by. The shower is running…

4. Valeria

With a whopping 34 sex scenes, Spain’s answer to Sex and the City does not disappoint. Set in Madrid, its titular character Valeria is an aspiring author stuck in a rut with her novel and her husband. Cue the love triangle and squad antics with her three best friends Carmen, Lola and Nerea.

6. Rocketman

The musical drama documents Elton John’s extraordinary rise to fame, his addiction-fuelled lows and his relationship with first love and former manager, John Reid played by Richard Madden. It’s tender, intimate and joyous. If this iconic Mumsnet review below doesn’t make you want to watch it, we don’t know what will.

“I’m having a shit time atm, went to the pictures to see Rocketman yesterday and found the sex scene between Taron Egerton and Richard Madden the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Seriously, if you’re a menopausal old hound looking for a boost in the fanjo, go and watch this on loop.”

7. Atonement

When oh when will I get boned against a bookshelf (she asked the tarot reader). Show us a soul that didn’t leave its body when Keira Knightley’s foot left that shoe.

8. Titanic

That steamy handprint and Leo’s sweaty curtains will always stand the test of time.

9. Sex Education

Masturbation, real legs and arms everywhere awkward sex and asking for what you want in bed. Binge-worthy stuff.

10. Killing Eve

The sexual tension between Villanelle (Jodi Comer) and Eve (Sandra Oh) played out for three loaded seasons but when they finally lock lips, we bet you’ll find yourself doing a little happy – strangely erotic – dance.

11. Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Just queer women demanding space and telling their stories, and what could be sexier than that?

12. All The Bright Places

This tender but searing portrayal of young love will leave you nostalgic for your teenage makeout sessions and date night drives. It’s the gentlest of softcore cinema but the emotional connection between Finch and Violet is what sets it apart.

13. Below Her Mouth

A film exclusively about female pleasure. Jesus, take the wheel. This is your cue to schedule some alone time.

14. Pretty Woman

No bed, no problem. Julia Roberts makes a serious case for getting frisky on a piano in this cult classic.

15. Ghost

A pottery porn classic, no?

16. Kissing Jessica Stein

Combine your need for early naughties New York fashion with explorative gay sex in Kissing Jessica Stein. Jessica is a single, successful, slightly neurotic and ‘straight’ journalist who finds herself not as straight as she thought when she begins an intense friendship with Helen that ultimately leads to romance.

17. 40 Days and 40 Nights

Flower. Power. That’s all we have to say. Off to search for an orchid that does that party trick.

18. The Notebook

The only thing better than losing your virginity to Ryan Gosling (ok ok, not the RG but his character Noah) is reuniting with a wet Ryan Gosling / Noah years later, having him carry you upstairs with his trousers wrapped around his ankles and engaging in all kinds of fucking hot soggy stocking foreplay together. We are deceased.

19. Cruel Intentions

That girl-on-girl kiss with the infamous string of dribble might have been the scene that launched a thousand sexual awakenings, but the escalator scene is a v close second:

“I’m impressed”
“Well, I’m in love”

The kissing close ups to the tune of Counting Crow’s Colourblind, the skin-on-skin, the breathiness of it all, the sweaty bobbing shoulders, Reese Witherspoon’s glorious profile. Brb.

20. Blue Valentine

Ryan Gosling strikes again in this emotionally-gripping drama about one couple’s crumbling marriage, featuring one incredibly real oral sex scene that nearly landed the film with an NC-17 rating. Klaxon: Normalise female oral sex on-screen for crying out loud.

21. Bridgerton

There’s just something about a Regency romp, especially when it caters to the female gaze. And The Duke certainly took us there. We’ve never looked at a spoon nor a ladder in the same way and for that, we’ll be forever in Shonda Rimes’ debt.

22. Game of Thrones

If there was one series that went ham on both hawt sex scenes and incredibly gross NSFL sex scenes, it was GoT. Twincestuous sex, cave sex, boat sex, incest tower sex, sex in a steamy hot spring, sex with some leeches thrown in, you name it, Westeros has explored it.

That said, it did give us some stand-out scenes for the wank bank – Robb Stark and Talisa’s floor sex (season 2, episode 8), Ygritte and Jon Snow (season 3, episode 5) and Daenerys and Jon Snow (season 7, episode 7 aka the dragon, the wolf and the viral butt) to name a few.

23. Black Swan

The hot cunnilingus scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman certainly ruffled a few feathers.

24. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

If bed-breaking pillow-biting supernatural hot vampire lovin’ gets you going, then consider Breaking Dawn your kind of sex tape.

25. Carol

Based on Patricia Highsmith’s groundbreaking lesbian romance novel, The Price of Salt, Carol follows two women who find themselves in an unexpected love affair in 1950s New York. The consummation of their affair is everything a love scene should be – gentle, tender, warm and charged with emotion. A same-sex love story that isn’t out to titillate or scandalise? Here. For. It.

26. You

For the purpose of this article, we’re honing in on the hot sex, not the problematic stalker and serial killer storyline mmmk? IMO season 1 is distinctly hotter than season 2, with the exception of the scene when Love stuffs a tie in Joe’s mouth and tells him to STFU. That can stay.

27. Toy Boy

A steamy Spanish series and cult favourite, centred on a group of four male strippers. Think Magic Mike with a dash of whodunit intrigue, oiled abs and impeccably choreographed thrusting. That ought to fill the Sex/Life void.

28. Elite

The Spanish teen thriller follows the scandalous lives of the rich and beautiful students of Las Encinas, an exclusive private school in Spain, and let’s just say their extracurricular activities make Bridgerton look tame. Viva España.

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