It’s lukewarm below-average summer, bitches. Our free trial of nice weather has ended but we move. Summer might have done us dirty so far – June has a lot to answer for – but our spirit is far from broken. We still believe it’s coming home and we still believe our bikinis will have their time to shine…
As long as we have a good run of BBQs, corn on the cob, Aperol, crisps and dip, floaty dresses, pedicured toes, Calippos, sunsets, feel-good playlists, Love Island memes, carefree beach days followed by a superior shower (that post-swim hair wash always hits different), paddling pools, long balmy evenings, fish and chips and the faint holiday waft of sun lotion in the air, then we will enjoy this glorious time of year, whatever the roadmap to nowhere is saying. Here are 20 ways to make the most of July!
1. Enjoy the thrill of live sports in the company of unhygienic screaming strangers again. It’s coming home (even if it probably most definitely isn’t)
2. Remember that one time in 2002 the teachers let you come in early to watch the England vs Brazil game instead of going to lessons. Pure nostalgia.
3. Find yourself hankering for a pumpkin spice latte and a Christmas dinner because we’re officially closer to Christmas than January and British summertime really be like that.
4. Wear so much gingham, people start sitting on you to eat their sandwiches and tuck into their punnet of strawberries.
5. Somehow survive a 12-hour bottomless brunch. What year is it?
6. Cancel all plans that require leaving the house after 9pm on a week-day for the next six weeks…
7. Let the Casa Amor chaos commence.
8. Bond over how collectively ridiculous everyone looks when trying to walk barefoot on a pebbly beach whilst simultaneously trying to pretend it doesn’t hurt. Much grace. Much composure.
9. Ask yourself if the risk of being sociable is really worth it because POLLEN.
10. Wonder if you’ll ever get through all the tote bags you continue to throw in that one mother tote bag
11. Transfer money from your savings account to your current account. Repeat every three to five working days.
12. Tiger bread and Lurpak. That’s it. That’s how you make the most of July.
13. Think about quitting your job if your manager hints about coming back to the office one more time.
14. Not to be dramatic but unless we get a work uniform allowance for office clothes, no thanks.
15. Attempt to shake up your week-day dinners because you’ve been eating fajitas twice a week for a decade now
16. Before crawling back to the iconic permanent fixture that is: jacky p, cheese and beans. It’s like herpes for carbs, it always comes back.
17. Rest without guilt. You’re welcome.
18. Wonder if you’ve ever been sufficiently hydrated. Ever.
19. In the words of Matt Haig, “get a routine baggy enough to live in”
20. Feel shocked and disgusted at how expensive the outside world costs. My Monzo pots are in the worst shape of their lives but C’EST LA VIE.