And just like that, it’s the final countdown of 2020 and what a wild rotation round the sun it has been, lads.
Since everything else has gone tits up this year, the pressure of cooking the perfect Christmas dinner and buying presents is off. We’ll be overjoyed with a plate of flaccid parsnips, a sack of oranges and a Christmas cracker sewing kit if it means we get to be with our families and friends.
Bring on the delirious merriment! Here’s 20 things to do in December.
1. Stare into the abyss. We made it, guys!
2. Contemplate getting your presents sorted out nice and early…
3. But then get pleasantly distracted by Vernon Kay
4. Turn up fashionably late to the Zoom Christmas party, despite there being absolutely zero traffic in the hallway
5. Mourn all the merriment we should be having IRL – carol singers spluttering their forced joy over an actual AUDIENCE, gate crashing someone else’s office party, begging the ice rink steward to let you use a penguin, the list goes on
6. Get sucked into buying a supermarket Poinsettia. Must we be so weak for tacky botanicals every year?
7. Down your advent calendar in one go…
8. Safe in the knowledge that there’s absolutely nothing 2020 can do about it. Regret can’t sit with us!
9. Pretend to enjoy a mince pie. Lies taste a lot like old mulled fruit
10. Well-up at all the Christmas ads with their emotive pandemic messages. Who needs onions when you have Kevin the carrot?
11. Build up the courage to check your bank balance. Ghosting Monzo until further notice…
12. Start decanting various crisps into bowls and presenting them on your coffee table for no apparent reason
13. Light so many cinnamon scented candles that you’re approximately 2 flames away from holding a seance
14. Tell the kids The Elf On The Shelf is on furlough this year. Have a year off!
15. Watch all the trite Hallmark-esque movies Netflix has to offer – striving for that PB in movie marathoning
16. Silently judge any relative who doesn’t take the ritual of wearing paper crowns seriously. There’s always one.
17. Mentally prepare yourself for your love life to be the go-to topic of table-side small talk. The number of current boyfriends? Still going strong at zero, now would you just MOVE ON Auntie Jean
18. Have the best nap of your life. Monopoly feuds and gluttony = exhausting
19. Make a vow to eat nothing else for the rest of the festive season whilst removing the plastic seal from another tin of Quality Street
20. Sob uncontrollably at the Queen’s speech. Liz KNOWS.