I’m so sorry you are experiencing all this negativity at home and that it’s starting to affect how you see yourself. Dealing with your own body image can be hard enough, let alone when your own family are putting you down about your weight.
This sounds like a really tricky situation, I don’t know your family situation, but I wonder if this is the only area you find you have problems with them? Or whether they can be judgemental about other areas of your life. Either way, it can’t be nice having to deal with and take in all their negative comments.
Firstly, I want to say, we all come in different shapes and sizes and we are all beautiful. Individuality is what makes us and how boring the world would be if we all looked the same, thought the same, did the same! Secondly, never change yourself for others. I saw that you said you worry someone won’t love you in the future unless you lose weight. No one is deserving of your love if they don’t love you for you. You will find someone who loves every part of you and loves your insecurities even more.
I totally understand where you are coming from too in regard to exercising. I too, hate running and have found it so hard to find a form of exercise I actually enjoy! If exercising is what you want to be doing and isn’t because you are feeling pressured to do so, I recommend trying different things out. As we are all doing home workouts now, I’ve found dance workouts on YouTube are super fun and also really help relieve stress.
Also, continue loving chocolate! Life is far too short to spend it not enjoying the food you like (if you like eating a lot of veg, that is also great!). But, if you are like me, who enjoys snacks, enjoys food, then keep enjoying it! Life is about balance and eating the things you love is included in that balance.
In regard to your family, I wonder if they realise that they are upsetting you so much. I saw you said you cry yourself to sleep sometimes, which breaks my heart, I hope you have friends you can confide in during those times. But, have you spoke to them about how bad they are making you feel? Maybe think about voicing how you are feeling, that their opinions are really beginning to put you down. If they think it’s all “jokes” or “family banter”, they might not realise how damaging their comments are. I hope you can find a way to resolve this, as no one should have to put up with these comments on a daily basis, your body is yours, no one should feel they have a right to criticise it.
All I can say to stay positive is, make sure your social media is giving you all the positive vibes. If an account makes you feel bad about yourself, unfollow it. We have so much power over what we see online. Practising self-love can be a long process and doesn’t happen overnight, unfortunately. But, speak nicely to yourself and that will really begin to change how your mind works. Listen to some podcasts which talk about body image and acceptance! Yoga and meditation are also great ways to connect back to yourself, learning how your body moves and works.
Keep that positive energy flowing! You are an amazing person, and don’t you forget it! You are beautiful, caring and so loved. Good luck with university and everything in the future. Wishing you all the best.