I jumped at the chance to answer this question because I’ve been in a very similar situation myself. Sorry to hear you’ve been a bit poorly. I know how much stress can affect your physical and mental wellbeing so it’s not surprising that holding this secret for so long has lead to this.
There’s so many layers to this which is hard. Firstly, coming to terms with your sexuality is hard enough without having to worry about coming out to your friends and family. Sounds like you need to get your head sorted before even thinking about telling your family. In my opinion, sexuality is fluid and we’re all too obsessed with labels, straight, gay, bi, who the fuck cares? Don’t pressure yourself, when something’s right you’ll know.
I think whatever happens with your boyfriend, you shouldn’t jump straight in to a new relationship, with this girl or anyone else. After being with someone for 7 years, moving to their hometown and basically adopting their life, it might be good to make your own strides and explore yourself as an individual for a little while.
On the other hand, cheating is never OK, whether you’re confused or not. I think you need to be honest with your boyfriend and cool things off with this girl while you sort things through. If you come clean I think you’ll start to feel a lot better physically too. If the only reason you’re staying with your current partner is because it’s easier, that’s never the basis for a healthy relationship. There will be other jobs, houses and cars. The only thing you won’t be able to replace is the people you’ve made connections to, your boyfriend and his family. So do a bit of damage limitation and put this woman on pause.
Coming out is a whole different story. I wish it wasn’t a big deal, but it is. It is TERRIFYING I know. But everyones journey is completely different. If someone is important enough to you for you to share that part of yourself to them, they’ll accept you no matter what. You’re literally the same person just defying what they thought the ‘norm’ was. It might take them a little while to get their head around it, but if they’re worth it, they’ll be there for you. Anyone that isn’t supportive I promise you, isn’t worth the time of day.
If I were you I would just not make any hasty decisions. Talk to your boyfriend, maybe say you’ve been attracted to other people and work from there.
Thanks so much for submitting this question, I really feel for you and wish I could help but just know, it’s all going to be OK!